i love moments of clarity! it's a great feeling when my heart has been searching so desperately for the answer to a relentless, frustrating question and finally breaks through the clouds to get some perspective.
this seems to be a season of "firsts" in my life... like i'm entering a whole new territory in the adult world. for instance, i'm making new steps out of the early, immature territory of young faith & ministry into a place where my pursuit of God, dedication to family and ministry to others happen on a more aware, intentional level.
what does this mean for me today that has brought so much clarity? i struggle with frustration that other people do not pursue God the way I wish they would, do not even care to pursue God or seem critical of me for my pursuit of God. it seems that today i have realized that i have been trying to impose my personal journey on others - those i work with, those i love, those i minister to - and my attempt to make them be what i want to be (definately not what i am) has put me on a path that ends with bitterness toward them.
i feel like i have found freedom! my heart wants to sing! suddenly my personal life is personal again and i can run after God as hard as i want, however i want and not feel the pressure to impose my personal pursuit on other people! i can love & minister to teenagers where they are, i can love & serve along my church members where they are, and i can enjoy God's movement throughout the Church (universal, not local) without feeling like everyone's journey should take them down those same paths! PRAISE GOD!!! thanks you, Lord, for divine perspective, for a glimpse at the eternal horizon, for washing my blind eyes so i can see for a moment!
i feel free again to do youth ministry well and not feel that it should mirror my personal pursuit of God. why should every 6th-12th grader in my ministry have to think about the same things i'm thinking about, be challenged by God in the same way i'm challenged? geez - i'm 27, a father of three, a husband who's trying to keep a soft heart before God... is an 8th grade girl's journey of faith going to need the revelation that God gives for my personal benefit? there may be some teens who could benefit from my personal journey right now, but that's a small minority.
the waters of my heart are being stirred right now...
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