Intentional Friendship

My life is becoming more and more focused as I learn to walk in God's purposes for me. I believe with increasing confidence that the major purpose for my life is to be a disciple of Christ and help others learn to be disciples, also... learning to love God, hear his voice and obey him. In our postmodern, post-Christian, highly relational culture, I am certain that we will fail to reproduce as disciples unless we learn to have authentic, intentional friendships. That's what true Christian community is about - friends learning to together to live like Jesus.

On that note, here are some principles that are developing in me as I learn to lead my friends to follow Christ more closely:

1) Maximize this season. We all know that friendships wax and wane with the seasons of life. Several friendships remain precious throughout the years, few are maintained and many are lost altogether. Be friends with people for the sake of being friends, not for the sake of spiritual conquest. However, develop the discipline of submitting your friendships to the leadership of the Holy Spirit. Ask God, "What friend have you given me for this season with whom I'm supposed to take a disciple's journey?" There should be urgency in this prayer because God opens doors for influence that will eventually close. Make the most of the season you have because it will not last forever... and you do not want to find yourself on the other side of it holding regrets.

2) Be an authentic friend. This goes back to my previous statement, "Be friends with people for the sake of being friends, not for the sake of spiritual conquest." No one wants to feel like a spiritual project. There is a certain level of boldness, accountability and power that come from authentic friendship... you earn the right to be heard and you work hard to develop a safe space within which you can deal with tough issues. Ask yourself this question: "If this person refused to let me lead him in discipleship, would I still want a friendship with him?" If the answer is negative, don't pursue discipleship.

3) Establish an end date. We've all had friendships that explode for weeks or months but somehow fade. Upon discovery of this new kinship, you do lunch several times a week, go on double dates with your spouses, call one another just to catch up, etc. This kind of intimacy is not perpetual and we shouldn't expect it to be so. It is a sad fact of friendships, however, that when this season of close comradeship passes, we sometimes feel as if we've suffered a romantic break-up! The same will be true of the discipling season in your friendship. If you're going to meet together once a week for Bible study, set an end date... three months out, six months, maybe a year. Acknowledge that it's not realistic in life for a weekly meeting to last perpetually. Say it up front so that when the end comes, it doesn't feel like rejection. Also, because seasons and relationships change, there is an urgent need to meet consistently and make the most of each meeting. Say so up front. For me, it usually sounds something like, "I really want to give myself to our disciple's journey but I only have so much time. Can we make it a priority to meet together once a week at such & such day and time for six months and miss very, very little? We don't have much time so we need to make the most of it..."

4) Choose a few and invest well. Having a short end date allows you to prioritize the way you invest in your friends. For instance, you may hear God tell you to walk closely with Jon for a season. Because you know it will only be for six months and you have invited him to take the disciple's journey for that season, you can feel good about making him a priority in that time frame. In fact, you may only want to walk with him and one or two other guys during that season because you know you cannot invest well in more than two or three men. Set your goals - mine are to help my friends become spiritually active, personally responsible and intentionally multiplying disciples who hear God's voice and obey. Because these are the goals that I believe God has given me, I choose to work with only a few at a time so I can see this happen. I want to pray for them consistently, meet often and really share life for a little while. I would rather give myself away to a few for a season and see them develop well than meet with many, barely get them on the right track and drag the process out longer than it should take.


I am definitely still in process as a disciple and may look back years from now and disagree with some of these principles. However, at this point I feel strongly about them. I hope they help you as you seek to follow Christ and live in such a way that others can follow you.

Me Last!

My almost three-year-old daughter has a habit that, even at her young age, strikes a wrong chord in me. It surfaced again today as we walked up the steps to my mom's house; in the long line of Foster-Whiddons, I was last and Zoe was just in front of me. As we made our way onto the porch, my little girl picked up her pace and told me repeatedly and emphatically, "Me first! Me first! Me first!" In classic parental reverse-psychology, I responded, "Fine! I want to be last! You can't be last! That's my spot!"

My own statement reminded me of a message I heard recently at the Creative Church Conference (C3) at Fellowship Church in Grapevine, Texas. Brian Houston, the pastor of Hillsong Church in Australia, delivered a sermon in which he described what it was like to be the pastor of Darlene Zschech, one of the most recognized worship leaders in the world. He illustrated his point by proclaiming that when they go on trips together, people want a picture with Darlene and he is the guy who ends up holding the camera! Pastor Houston's challenge to a building full of ambitious leaders stuck with me - practice being last.

Being last does not come easily to mankind; it definitely is not at the top of my list of personal goals. However, I want to be like Christ, and Philippians 2:5-8 describes how my attitude should look in order to reflect his:

Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

Oh Jesus, help me learn to be glad to be last. Help me lay down my pride and place others above myself. Let "Me last!" be the cry of my heart!

Feeling Unhealthy?

Do you ever feel unhealthy? When you've eaten too much junk food, when you're on your third soda and it's only 11:30AM, when you haven't raised your heart rate past a mild trot in weeks? Unhealthy is not a good feeling - it hints of current shame and impending doom.

I often feel spiritually unhealthy. My heart burns for the devotional life, for spiritual disciplines, for discipleship. How can you be spiritually unhealthy when you love such things? Several reasons:

1) A loss of focus on the Teacher. All the things that make spiritual growth happen can become ends in themselves. The disciple has to remember that his journey is about one person - Jesus. If he works hard, learns a lot and grows immensely but is no closer to Jesus, the journey is in vain. Why am I doing what I'm doing? Why am I a Christian to begin with? I need to get close to Jesus, apart from my official position in ministry.

2) A lack of obedience. As the disciple learns to follow Jesus, the Teacher will ask him to do things that are uncomfortable. He will be stretched beyond the aspects of discipleship toward which he is naturally bent. If he naturally leans toward evangelism, the Lord may ask him to learn to study. If he leans toward private disciplines, the Lord may ask him to evangelize. God will lead toward specific conversations, influences, relationships, etc. It is too easy for the follower to dismiss and forget about the thing the Spirit has shown him to do and pursue other holy discipleship endeavors, sedating his conscience with easier good works. What has God directed me to do that I have left incomplete? When the LORD left his final instructions with his friends, he told them to make disciples and teach them to OBEY his Word. I need to obey.

3) A lessened influence in the world. Christians have a bad habit that is destroying the influence of the Church - the longer we are believers and the more involved we become in our local church, the more removed we become from the unbelieving world around us. This is a tragedy. This trend does not model Jesus' life and ministry at all. The LORD did attend synagogue and have conversations with the religious community, but he was frequently accompanied by the "seeking" unchurched. Seclusion in the Christian ghetto does little for the advancement of the kingdom of God; it encourages an us-verses-them mentality and our hearts no longer bleed for the lost and hurting. The Christian subculture feels safe for the believer but is death to the purposes of God in the earth. Am I having significant, caring conversations with those who are far from God? Do I have friends who are unbelievers? If not, I am convinced that I am not really following Jesus and I am living in disobedience and sin.

If my life is suffering from these diseases, I will live with a sense of current shame and impending spiritual doom & failure. We are called by Christ to live lives of eternal impact - am I having the impact I'm supposed to have? Am I a significant player in the kingdom of heaven, a notable character in God's story of redemption today? I want to be healthy.

The Ministry of Philip

"The next day Jesus decided to go to Galilee. He found Philip and said to him, 'Follow me.' Now Philip was from Bethsaida, the city of Andrew and Peter. Philip found Nathanael and said to him, 'We have found him of whom Moses in the Law and also the prophets wrote, Jesus of Nazareth, the son of Joseph.' Nathanael said to him, 'Can anything good come out of Nazareth?' Philip said to him, 'Come and see.'" John 1:43-46

I feel like I am called to the ministry of Philip. After meeting Jesus and being called as his disciple, Philip found Nathaniel to share the news of Jesus. He not only "evangelized" but also urged Nathaniel to come and see Christ for himself. Philip did not attempt to become Nathaniel's teacher but, instead, wanted to personally introduce him to Jesus so that he could "taste and see" the Lord's goodness first-hand.

I love to teach and I enjoy preaching, but I feel that my calling is to urge others to meet Jesus personally, to experience him for themselves and to answer the call to discipleship by which I myself am challenged. I am learning who God wants me to be - a disciple-maker in the model of Philip.


John 1:43-46

Object Lesson #1 - Dirty High Chair

Two object lessons came to mind as I was going about my daily stuff today; one involves a dirty high chair and, the other, an old tool shed in the process of being demolished.

DIRTY HIGH CHAIR

We all have pet peeves, certain things that must be a particular way for all to be right with the world. One of mine is Holton's high chair after a meal. Of course, our one-year-old makes a glorious mess when he feeds himself. In the process of cleaning the kitchen, Vanessa usually leaves the chair as the last project and often ends up called away by more urgent needs before she gets to it, thus leaving it dirty longer than I would like. When I see the high chair in a mess, it makes me feel sick. I can't handle it. I want it clean before the food dries and I most DEFINITELY don't want anyone to see it in such a state. Initially I would fuss about the dirty high chair. However, I have found that if I want the high chair cleaned immediately after a meal, it works best if I am the one to clean in.

We all see areas in life that need work - in our marriages, jobs, churches, etc. These are real needs that we are keenly aware of and they need to be addressed, but for some reason no one else is making an effort to fix them! Could it be that God has opened your eyes to that particular need? Others may not see it so clearly or feel the urgency of addressing the problem, but God has gifted you to be aware of it. You have "eyes to see and ears to hear." With that awareness comes responsibility. It may be your job to wave the flag for the need you see, but most likely it is your calling to actually do something about it. Don't wait around for others to see the need, criticize them when they don't and move on to another marriage/job/church when the need remains unmet. You see the need, you meet it. It could be divinely appointed that you're the right person for the job!